It doesn’t matter what country you move to, it is both desirable and fun to make friends with the locals. In Germany, this does seem to be a problem for many foreigners though considering the number of comments online asking for ideas. All the Germans I know have a strong connection to their families and childhood friends and it is very difficult to meaningfully break in to what can be quite a closed circle. Ideally you need to graduate from kindergarten, but since that option is probably closed for most readers, here is a marginally more useful (but not much) list.

(blame ChatGPT for the image, not me 😉

Before I dive straight in, let’s getting a few misconceptions out of the way:

• Learning to speak German is just not going to make the difference. It might open up communication with more people and be greatly appreciated, but it isn’t going to help you adapt to German-ness
  
• Socialising with colleagues would work in many countries, but not here. You will undoubtedly make friends with other foreigners this way and one or two German outliers, but generally Germans keep work and private separate. At 4pm on a Friday they pack up and head off for the weekend to meet family and childhood friends in their hometown. Forget Friday drinks. There is a reason that Frankfurt is quiet on a Friday night!
  
• Joining a Verein is the first recommendation from Germans. An essential part of a German’s social life and you will certainly meet some Germans, but no more likely to make friends. The barriers are still there.

So what can you do to bridge the cultural divide?

• Get used to planning your social calendar months ahead and don’t make spontaneous bookings – friends are made over months and years, often because in Germany, freetime is booking up well in advance. And spontaneous meet ups are most frowned upon.
  
• Look for courses, activities to sign up to. Specifically cycling, hiking, football, skiing, rowing, sailing, dancing. German social calendars may be full but their activity calendars will be prioritised and they will always need others to participate and practice. Multiple group attendances and practice sessions will lead to acceptance.
  
• Over-engine your equipment for any given activity and know precisely what you have bought, what specs and how much it cost. Imagine the cycling group and you are the only one without a proper lycra outfit. You just won’t be accepted by the herd and there will be nothing to talk to you about.
  
• Own a barbecue and know how to grill a bratwurst. Coal is the real bbq of choice for a true German, but coal grills aren’t often allowed in rental property, but gas and electric are entirely accepted. The bigger and more functions, the better. And know precisely how long it takes to grill your bratwurst so that you can do it while entertaining and holding a beer in one hand.
  
• Learn to love sparkling water and always have a supply on hand for guests. For some bizarre reason in a country with excellent tap water quality, many people want only mineral water and fizzy at that.
  
• Buy a proper Oktoberfest outfit, Dirndl or Lederhosen. Sooner or later you will get an invite and you don’t want to be that one foreigner turning up in jeans. You may be uncomfortable trying on the outfit, but not half as uncomfortable as being the only normal dressed person in the tent.
  
• Learn the correct use of ‘doch’. You can actually sidestep the whole German language and with an accurately placed ‘doch’ in an English conversation you will warm a German heart and bring a smile to their faces.

If I have offended any Germans in writing this post, I apologise profusely, but it was only partly in jest. The reality is that each country has its quirks and if you want to fit in then it helps to embrace the German-ness rather than jumping straight into the first Verein you find and expect to fit straight in.